Office Depot Live Chat #2

 

And so continues my search for online shopping assistance at Office Depot.   I had this conversation through their online live customer service chat.  If you haven't already read my first Office Depot live customer service chat transcript, I would recommend doing so.Otherwise you may not have the proper context.  That can be found here.

Travis: Hi, my name is Travis. It will be my pleasure to assist you today.
 You: Hi Travis, This is Lieutenant Scott, how are you?
 Travis: HI Scott
 Travis: I am good , Hope you are doing good.
 You: Not so good Travis, not so good
 You: On Friday I spoke to one of your colleagues on OfficeDepot help
 Travis: I am really sorry for the any inconvenience.
 You: His name is Thompson, do you know him?
 You: Do you work with a Thompson?
 Travis: Yes, I will check on the previous chat
 You: Great!  So look at the previous chat.  You will see that  I ask Thompson a question about Urinal cakes.  I asked him which urinal cake had the best flavor since I had never had one before and needed some guidance
 You: I believe he told me to order a berry flavored urinal cake.
 You: So on Saturday I went to my local office depot and I purchased 12.  I went out with one of my friends from Nam
 You: and we had a few drinks and I said "My boy Thompson said these cakes are delicious,  let's eat some"  And we each ate three urinal cakes.
 You: Well it turns out you aren't supposed to eat urinal cakes
 You: They go in the toilet.
 You: Thompson failed to tell me this.
 Travis: I am really sorry for this inconvenience
 You: Did you know urinal cakes contain Para-dichlorobenzene in them? You're not supposed to eat that
 You: Hot brown rain showered out of my butt for 2 days
 You: I projectile vomited all over the restaurant we were drinking in
 You: It was a very classy steakhouse
 You: I am not allowed back
 You: How could someone provide me with such dangerous information? I could have died!
 You: I drank some water that wasn't purified once when I was 7 clicks south of Da Nang
 You: and my stomach was worse after the urinal cake
 Travis: I do apologize for the inconvenience  on behalf  of the previous agent and I am really sorry for the trouble.
 You: I think Office Depot should give me some sort of coupon, no?
 You: The whole incident cost me $500 out of pocket
 You: and my obamacare premiums are going up now
 You: It turns out there is some small writing on the back of my policy that says if I am hospitalized for eating a urinal cake, the agency is able to increase my premium by 50%
 You: they call it the idiot tax
 You: You have to help me, Travis!
 You: at least give me a coupon so I can get my next stapler at a discount
 Travis: I am truly sorry for the difficulty this has caused you
 Travis: In this regard I request you to contact your nearest medical dispensary and However for the whole inconvenience , I will help you with the online discount coupons and so that you can use that discount coupons for the purchase in online for the normal office supplies
 You: Thank you! Thank you Travis
 You: Please provide the coupons. I then have some questions to ask you
 You: about office depot products
 Travis: You are welcome, Please make use of this coupon code YDX7RQC4T482SW  $15 OFF   $75 OFF more purchase and also make use of this coupon code 20522050  $25 off $125
 You: Amazing!
 Travis: Thank you
 You: So Travis, after this whole urinal cake incident, I am incontinent.  My fragile bowels excrete a hot brown mist about every 45 minutes.  It's like Old Faithful
 You: I need some adult diapers
 You: Does Office Depot carry depends or attends adult diapers?  I would also take the generic off-brand office depot adult diaper brand
 You: if that's all you have
 Travis: One moment to check that for you
 You: Also, I know children diapers sometimes have sesame street characters on them - if you have any adult diapers with sponge bob on them
 You: that would really make my day
 You: It would be a welcome distraction from my broken anus
 Travis: Please check with this item Prevail® Specialty Size Briefs, Youth, 15"-22", Box Of 16 Item # 605158
 You: Is the 15-22" the size of the waist? Or the size of my manhood?
 You: My crankenshaft is definitely between 15-22 inches
 You: but my waist hasn't been that small since I was a boy bouncin' on my papa's knee
 You: Travis, are you still there?
 Travis: Sorry for the delay
 Travis: Please check with this item Protection Plus Super Protective Disposable Underwear, Small, 20 - 28", White, 22 Per Bag, Case Of 4 Bags Item # 629552
 You: Ok, perfect
 You: Travis i have some more questions but before we go on
 Travis: Yes, I am here to help you
 Travis: *you
 You: Instead of calling me Scott, can you call me "Grandpa Huggybear" for the rest of this conversation
 You: my friends call me that
 You: it makes me happy
 You: it makes me feel alive
 You: Travis, you say you are here to help but you are very slow to respond.
 Travis: Sorry for the delay.
 You: sorry for the delay.....
 You: "Sorry for the delay grandpa huggybear” you mean?
 Travis: Please note that this chat will be terminated due to inappropriate language.
 Travis: If you need further assistance, we're available to chat with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Thank you for choosing Office Depot.
 Travis has disconnected.

Kind of weird how the hot brown rain comments didn't bother Travis but as soon as I asked him to call me Grandpa Huggybear he had a conniption.  These customer service guys are in the Philippines.  Maybe it's just the cultural divide. I hope that one day as nations we can get past our differences.  I pray that one day Filipino men will feel feel comfortable calling Americans like me "Grandpa Huggybear" on the reg.  One day.  One day...