Customer Service Chats #4 I think Tony is Trying to Kill Me
Some of my online live customer service chats are amazing. The customer service reps will say unexpected hilarious things. Some of them don't work as well. I have learned that they don't seem to pick up on nuance. Either that or they don't feel it's appropriate to tell me my friend is trying to kill me. Please see both conversations below, one from Office Depot and one from Kohls. You will see what I mean. I think I made the dude from Office Depot so uncomfortable he ended up ghosting me. Maybe Tony was just trying to be nice and this was all a big misunderstanding? You decide.
OFFICE DEPOT
Dulsie Nelson: Hi, my name is Dulsie Nelson. It will be my
pleasure to assist you today.
You: Hi Dulsie
You: How are you doing today?
Dulsie Nelson: Hi Scott
Dulsie Nelson: Welcome to office depot
You: Thank you, my friend
You: You humble me with your hospitality
Dulsie Nelson: I am fine Scott, How about you ?
You: I am good. It is almost Thanksgiving
You: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
Dulsie Nelson: Please help me with return #
You: So I don't have a number. Here, let me tell you the story -It's a little complicated
You: So my boy Tony, he got me some gummy bears last time he was at office depot. He goes Lieutenant Scott you are going to love these. I say WHAM POW SMASH, what a friend. So I start eating the gummy bears. I almost choked on one. Tony had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. I spit the gummy bear up and I realize - Hey! This isn't a gummy bear. Someone put a marble in my gummy bears. Tony says he threw out the receipt because he doesn't like to leave a paper trail
You: Is there any way you can get me a new pack of gummy bears since I nearly died choking on this
You: Dulsie, you there? Or are you sleeping on the job?
You: I require assistance!
Dulsie Nelson: Please give me a moment, I am reading your query
You: Word
Dulsie Nelson: May i know the item # please
You: https://www.officedepot.com/a/products/498255/Haribo-Gold-Gummi-Bears-110-Oz/
Dulsie Nelson: May i know have you purchased in store or online
You: Tony said he purchased in a store
Dulsie Nelson: I am sorry, online does not access the store purchase, So please contact the store, Surely they will help you
You: This store is not helpful
You: Like 3 weeks ago Tony got me a Kit Kat from Office Depot
You: I ate it and it had a razor blade in it. I bled everywhere, I passed out. Woke up in the hospital. Doctor said close call! You almost died!
You: And 2 months ago Tony got me some kettle corn from Office depot and it had a cyanide pill in it
You: Doctor's said I should have died but I have some rare genetic immunity to the stuff
You: Everything Tony buys from Office Depot almost kills me. Isn't it weird? Why does this stuff keep happening to me?
You: I went into the store and they were all "Get Out Of Here, that's ridiculous, we've never seen this guy Tony in the store!" Shouldn't someone at Office Depot take some responsibility for this? If it wasn't for Tony I would probably be dead already
You: He always seems to be there when I eat the food he gets me from Office Depot and he always saves me
You: DULSIE, you are so distracted. Can you please help me?
Dulsie Nelson: Thank you for your patience
Dulsie Nelson: I am sorry, store purchases does not access in the online
You: Also, can you explain to me why all of the food Tony buys at Office Depot have holes in the bag?
You: Tony says it's so air can get in there and keep it fresh
You: But it looks unsanitary
You: Dulsie, you are not taking me seriously This conversation is taking forever
You: You are clearly distracted. I demand to speak to your manager immediately
You: Dulsie, did you eat too much glue? Why are you so slow. Are you huffing paint?
You: This customer support is awful
You: LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
You: Dulsie you are leaving me no choice
You: I must report you
You: I am disconnecting
You: Hi Dulsie
You: How are you doing today?
Dulsie Nelson: Hi Scott
Dulsie Nelson: Welcome to office depot
You: Thank you, my friend
You: You humble me with your hospitality
Dulsie Nelson: I am fine Scott, How about you ?
You: I am good. It is almost Thanksgiving
You: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
Dulsie Nelson: Please help me with return #
You: So I don't have a number. Here, let me tell you the story -It's a little complicated
You: So my boy Tony, he got me some gummy bears last time he was at office depot. He goes Lieutenant Scott you are going to love these. I say WHAM POW SMASH, what a friend. So I start eating the gummy bears. I almost choked on one. Tony had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. I spit the gummy bear up and I realize - Hey! This isn't a gummy bear. Someone put a marble in my gummy bears. Tony says he threw out the receipt because he doesn't like to leave a paper trail
You: Is there any way you can get me a new pack of gummy bears since I nearly died choking on this
You: Dulsie, you there? Or are you sleeping on the job?
You: I require assistance!
Dulsie Nelson: Please give me a moment, I am reading your query
You: Word
Dulsie Nelson: May i know the item # please
You: https://www.officedepot.com/a/products/498255/Haribo-Gold-Gummi-Bears-110-Oz/
Dulsie Nelson: May i know have you purchased in store or online
You: Tony said he purchased in a store
Dulsie Nelson: I am sorry, online does not access the store purchase, So please contact the store, Surely they will help you
You: This store is not helpful
You: Like 3 weeks ago Tony got me a Kit Kat from Office Depot
You: I ate it and it had a razor blade in it. I bled everywhere, I passed out. Woke up in the hospital. Doctor said close call! You almost died!
You: And 2 months ago Tony got me some kettle corn from Office depot and it had a cyanide pill in it
You: Doctor's said I should have died but I have some rare genetic immunity to the stuff
You: Everything Tony buys from Office Depot almost kills me. Isn't it weird? Why does this stuff keep happening to me?
You: I went into the store and they were all "Get Out Of Here, that's ridiculous, we've never seen this guy Tony in the store!" Shouldn't someone at Office Depot take some responsibility for this? If it wasn't for Tony I would probably be dead already
You: He always seems to be there when I eat the food he gets me from Office Depot and he always saves me
You: DULSIE, you are so distracted. Can you please help me?
Dulsie Nelson: Thank you for your patience
Dulsie Nelson: I am sorry, store purchases does not access in the online
You: Also, can you explain to me why all of the food Tony buys at Office Depot have holes in the bag?
You: Tony says it's so air can get in there and keep it fresh
You: But it looks unsanitary
You: Dulsie, you are not taking me seriously This conversation is taking forever
You: You are clearly distracted. I demand to speak to your manager immediately
You: Dulsie, did you eat too much glue? Why are you so slow. Are you huffing paint?
You: This customer support is awful
You: LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
You: Dulsie you are leaving me no choice
You: I must report you
You: I am disconnecting
KOHLS
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
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Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Lieutenant Scott
Bailey T
Bailey T
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