Customer Service Chats #4 I think Tony is Trying to Kill Me


Some of my online live customer service chats are amazing.  The customer service reps will say unexpected hilarious things.  Some of them don't work as well.  I have learned that they don't seem to pick up on nuance.  Either that or they don't feel it's appropriate to tell me my friend is trying to kill me.   Please see both conversations below, one from Office Depot and one from Kohls.  You will see what I mean.  I think I made the dude from Office Depot so uncomfortable he ended up ghosting me. Maybe Tony was just trying to be nice and this was all a big misunderstanding?  You decide.

OFFICE DEPOT



Dulsie Nelson: Hi, my name is Dulsie Nelson. It will be my pleasure to assist you today.
You: Hi Dulsie
You: How are you doing today?
Dulsie Nelson: Hi Scott
Dulsie Nelson: Welcome to office depot
You: Thank you, my friend
You: You humble me with your hospitality
Dulsie Nelson: I am fine Scott, How about you ?
You: I am good. It is almost Thanksgiving
You: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving?
Dulsie Nelson: Please help me with return #
You: So I don't have a number.  Here, let me tell you the story -It's a little complicated
You: So my boy Tony, he got me some gummy bears last time he was at office depot.  He goes Lieutenant Scott you are going to love these.  I say WHAM POW SMASH, what a friend.  So I start eating the gummy bears.  I almost choked on one.  Tony had to give me the Heimlich maneuver.  I spit the gummy bear up and I realize - Hey!  This isn't a gummy bear.  Someone put a marble in my gummy bears.  Tony says he threw out the receipt because he doesn't like to leave a paper trail
You: Is there any way you can get me a new pack of gummy bears since I nearly died choking on this
You: Dulsie, you there? Or are you sleeping on the job?
You: I require assistance!
Dulsie Nelson: Please give me  a  moment, I am reading your query
You: Word
Dulsie Nelson: May i know the item # please
You:  https://www.officedepot.com/a/products/498255/Haribo-Gold-Gummi-Bears-110-Oz/
Dulsie Nelson: May i know have you purchased in store or online
You: Tony said he purchased in a store
Dulsie Nelson: I am sorry, online does not access the store purchase, So please contact the store, Surely they will help you
You: This store is not helpful
You: Like 3 weeks ago Tony got me a Kit Kat from Office Depot
You: I ate it and it had a razor blade in it.  I bled everywhere, I passed out.  Woke up in the hospital.  Doctor said close call!  You almost died!
You: And 2 months ago Tony got me some kettle corn from Office depot and it had a cyanide pill in it
You: Doctor's said I should have died but I have some rare genetic immunity to the stuff
You: Everything Tony buys from Office Depot almost kills me.  Isn't it weird?  Why does this stuff keep happening to me?
You: I went into the store and they were all "Get Out Of Here, that's ridiculous, we've never seen this guy Tony in the store!" Shouldn't someone at Office Depot take some responsibility for this?  If it wasn't for Tony I would probably be dead already
You: He always seems to be there when I eat the food he gets me from Office Depot and he always saves me
You: DULSIE, you are so distracted. Can you please help me?
Dulsie Nelson: Thank you for your patience
Dulsie Nelson: I am sorry, store purchases does not access in the online
You: Also, can you explain to me why all of the food Tony buys at Office Depot have holes in the bag?
You: Tony says it's so air can get in there and keep it fresh
You: But it looks unsanitary
You: Dulsie, you are not taking me seriously This conversation is taking forever
You: You are clearly distracted. I demand to speak to your manager immediately
You: Dulsie, did you eat too much glue? Why are you so slow. Are you huffing paint?
You: This customer support is awful
You: LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
You: Dulsie you are leaving me no choice
You: I must report you
You: I am disconnecting

KOHLS
 
Bailey T: Hi, my name is Bailey T. One moment while I review your question.
Lieutenant Scott: Hi Bailey
Lieutenant Scott: I need some help
Bailey T: Good Afternoon!
Bailey T: Definitely, let me check that for you right away.
Lieutenant Scott: So my boy Tony, he got me some gummy bears last time he was at Kohls. He goes Lieutenant Scott you are going to love these. I say WHAM POW SMASH, what a friend. So I start eating the gummy bears. I almost choked on one. Tony had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. I spit the gummy bear up and I realize - Hey! This isn't a gummy bear. Someone put a marble in my gummy bears. Tony says he threw out the receipt because he doesn't like to leave a paper trail. This is the third time in 2 months I've had problems with foodstuffs from Kohls. Like 3 weeks ago Tony got me a kit kat from Kohls. I ate it and it had a razor blade in it. I bled everywhere, I passed out. Woke up in the hospital. Doctor said close call! You almost died! And 2 months ago Tony got me some kettle corn from Kohls and it had a cyanide pill in it. Doctor's said I should have died but I have some rare genetic immunity to the stuff. Everything Tony buys me at Kohls almost kills me
Bailey T: thank you for the detailed information.
Lieutenant Scott: Yeah and there were some other weird things going on too
Lieutenant Scott: Like I went into the store with Tony to complain and no one recognized him
Lieutenant Scott: Even though he is buying stuff there for me all the time
Lieutenant Scott: And all of the packaging for the food he buys me seem to have holes in them
Bailey T: I apologize for the hassle.
Lieutenant Scott: It's ok. I am just glad Tony has been there every single time to bring me to the hospital or save my life
Lieutenant Scott: What do you think is going on here? A problem with quality control?
Bailey T: I'm extremely sorry for the inconvenience caused to you. I will share this unpleasant experience to our dedicated team and see that it won't be happen again
Lieutenant Scott: Is there any way I can get a coupon or credit for my trouble?
Bailey T: For the inconvenience caused I will right away add 100 points to your rewards account.
Lieutenant Scott: Amazing
Lieutenant Scott: I don't have a rewards account though
Bailey T: May I have your phone number for verification?
Lieutenant Scott: XXX-XXX-XXXX
Bailey T: Thank you.
Bailey T: No worries. Here is my chat reference id 171121-031818. Please create an rewards account and come back to us with my reference id our chat associate will help you.

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